i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
either way he was missing a nipple.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
