I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
