Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
