So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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