Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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