already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
