K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
