Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
