im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
