babies were throwing up all over the place
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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