I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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