I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
