I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Drake has all the answers
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
