I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
