And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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