i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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