i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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