About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
