btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
