So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
