Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
