I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
