my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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