I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
