I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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