First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
