The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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