dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
