Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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