I just made out with a guy for $7.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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