I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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