She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
