My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
