hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
