Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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