i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
