I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
