Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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