Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
