Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will be naked everywhere
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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