there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
