Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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