she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
