Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just tell him i said nine months
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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