Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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