Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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