But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
