the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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