He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
