please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
