stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
